Conectando
The concept of “Yo Soy” is what I fondly think of as my first Journey into the current version of me. You see, about eight years ago when my world began to spiral out of control, I had no concept of ‘yo soy’ (I am), because I truly didn’t know who was inside me anymore.
After many years of pursuing an idea of success in my field, I had perfected the art of mirroring others, by speaking how I was spoken to, moving how others moved, mimicking the behavior of people, whom in my eyes, were successful. This behavior is often referred to as code-switching, and is common amongst minorities in the workplace in order to survive and thrive in predominantly white spaces. I did that.
Inevitably, my Spirit broke through to me, specifically my inner Niña. You see, when I was little, I was unbreakable. I knew exactly what I wanted and more importantly that I could have it. I am the first born child of code-breakers, my parents broke away from many of the challenges that had ailed their parents and grandparents. What that meant for me, was that even though they didn’t have all the tools, they felt the freedom to love me unconditionally, in a way that I felt it so deeply, that I knew I could have anything. That was one of the first gifts they gave me.
Because my parents were able to effectively show me love, I had the type of strength that only comes from intimately knowing what unconditional love is and that it is within you. It’s the type of strength that gives you the courage to do the things that scare you.
So when I lost myself, I had this inner compass that was sending all type of alarms my way. At first, it was my skin breaking out, then my weight fluctuating, until finally my body gave out with exhaustion.
I would work on topical solutions, like seeking out a dermatologist, working out, and sleeping. I slept a lot. But I was only putting out the fires. Physical ailments only alert you of emotional injuries, this is ancient knowledge that is lodged deep within our Ancestral Wisdom. Ultimately, I knew that I could no longer continue to not be myself, so I took my first leap of faith, and started to show up as myself at work.
Being myself at work was a beautiful and heartbreaking experience for me. It was beautiful because I found that the connections I had made were genuine, and that I had the ability to support and positively impact the world around me. I was appreciated for who I was and how I brought people together. I found out that more than my technical abilities, I was valued because of my ability to communicate and create community within the organization.
Yet, despite of all these wonderful discoveries, when I found myself speaking up for others and highlighting systemic discriminatory practices, in my opinion, like many other Latinas, I was often gaslighted.
This was hard because I had chosen authenticity to myself and my values. Once I was out, there was no putting myself back in the bag. I couldn’t simply go back to conforming and code-switching, so for a period of time, I chose to stay and fight. I thought, maybe I can still make a difference, so I kept speaking up. I talked to management, I talked to upper management, I even reached out to the board. When nothing changed, I had another choice to make. I chose me again.
It was scary to to think that I would be leaving what I once considered my dream job. It was frustrating to realize that I would likely not find a better place, and heartbreaking to acknowledge that I could not positively change them.
In leaving what was once my comfort zone, I had to take a closer look at who I was without the smoke and mirrors of work-life. Who was I if I didn’t have to be anything to anyone?
This is the space where I began to understand who I was becoming. By releasing the parts of me that belonged to others, the names, the titles, the validation. All of it had to go so that could see me.
When I emerged, my first statement to myself was “Yo Soy Carina” in my native language and my name without an American accent. It was me reclaiming my authority to be and say who I am.
When I founded my practice, it was important that I exemplified this to those that are choosing to partner with me in their own Journey to the “Yo Soy” within them. So I chose it as the name of my practice, as reminder to myself and an invitation to those that are ready to join me.
I hope that this story is able to reflect back to you the pieces of your Journey that are rising before you, and like pieces to a puzzle, you are able to slide into place the picture of what the next step looks like for you.
Please share with our community here, your own experiences of coming into your own “Yo Soy” story, reflections, and healings you found in yourself ✨
Con Cariño,
Yo Soy, Carina 🦋